Saturday, July 18, 2015

Outsider Poetry Depot To Open In Rockford

The Outsider Poetry Depot opened today in Rockford, Illinois to an assembled crowd on hand that had camped out overnight waiting for doorbuster deals on haikus, narrative, and confessional poems by Outsider Poet Thomas L. Vaultonburg.

"The response from the community has been very heartening," stated Vaultonburg, who has been writing poetry since he was sixteen, and had the idea to open a storefront to sell individual poems in a dream. "At first I thought maybe another Portillo's location had opened up, or maybe I had forgotten it was Black Friday, so I was shocked when I learned they were here for poetry." 

Chad Onderdonk was first in line. He had camped out overnight specifically for one poem he had read in Zombie Logic Review. "I knew there was a going to be a lot of competition for this poem, so I got here early," Onderdonk said. 

Vaultonburg, a notoriously late riser, did not realize the crowd had gathered, and did not open the doors of The Outsider Poetry Depot until three in the afternoon, but it didn't matter, as the crown had begun to entertain themselves, playing hacky sack and selling homemade tuna fish sandwiches. True to his word, Chad Onderdonk was right there when the door opened and bought this poem for $1.99:


You were our first lesson
In rage and greed,
Possibly love.
Our smiling guardian
Put the stick
In our small hands,
Blindfolded us,
And whispered
Unspeakable treasures
Awaited us when we
Destroyed you.
Spun around and
Drunken with images
Of unimaginable trinkets
We became whirling dervishes
Of lust and anger,
Whacking and thumping away
At your broken smile
Way past nap time,
Until frustrated with
Our lack of killer instinct,
Our teacher sawed you
In half, spilling
Far less enticing bounty
Than we had dreamed of.
Some rushed forward and
Grabbed and devoured,
Others stood back and 
Cried over the carnage.
Either way we all learned
Who we would become that day.
-Thomas L. Vaultonburg

After Onderdonk made his purchase, the line moved in an orderly and steady fashion as Vaultonburg served poems of all lengths and subject matter to a grateful and informed audience willing to show their gratitude by giving him United States currency, or in one case a corned beef sandwich. Asked if The Outsider Poetry Depot would become an ongoing part of the burgeoning Downtown community Vaultonburg just sort of yawned and said he thought he might be out of poetry and have to think of 
something else to do.  

Rockford CSI

An ant crawled 
Into the bottle of Grolsch 
I left on the counter last night 
And drowned like an American 
Tourist in a Dutch brothel. 
I notified the Coroner’s Office 
And they have deemed it 
Death by misadventure 
Though no one is sure 
Who to notify. 

The Outsider Poetry Depot

Buy this Rockford poem for only .99. Act now, supplies dwindling. Or come on down to the Outsider Poetry Depot for all your poetry needs today.

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